Mom refuses custody of her 8 and 9-year-old sons because they eat foods that her stepdaughter is allergic to: 'She can't eat peanut butter, eggs, cheese, strawberries, and chocolate'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
May 30, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

Allergies are no fun. One of my best friends can't eat mangos without her face totally swelling up, and I'd venture to say that's one of the worst fruits you can be allergic to. Not because it's in everything, but because it's so darn delicious! My best friend from high school couldn't eat strawberries, and that's inconceivable to me. Heck, the most common allergy for children, peanut allergies, would've completely derailed my life in Elementary school because peanut butter sandwiches were the only things I ate for lunch. Not to mention, if you had a peanut allergy, you were quite literally segregated from the rest of the lunch table at a paltry "nut-free" table. I wouldn't wish that fate on my worst enemy.

Although it's essential to accommodate people's allergies, you can't completely control someone's diet just because someone they interact with on a regular basis is allergic to something. 

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to comply by my ex-wife's husband's rules about what my kids can eat so they can go to their mom's house?

    My ex-wife and I (both in our 30s) divorced 7 years ago. We two boys together aged 8 and 9. My ex-wife remarried two years ago and her husband brought his daughter and son into the marriage. About five months after they got married my ex's husband sent me a list of foods I could not feed my kids because his daughter is allergic and whenever
    via u/WonderfulAd8781

  • It's especially absurd to insist that a kid can't eat very standard foods on days when they don't see the allergic person in their life. That absurdity is what the dad in this story is dealing with. His wife's husband refuses to let anyone come over who eats the foods to which his daughter is allergic. 

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10511928832
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  • 03
    my boys are at their house his daughter struggles with her allergies. He said he heard it from my kids' mouths that they eat those things when they're with me. He said anyone coming into their home needs to avoid those foods. And that I must cut them from my kids diet when they're at my house, which was every other week at this time.
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  • 04
    These include, • Peanut Butter . Eggs • Cheese Strawberries • Chocolate
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  • 05
    At first I thought it was a joke but I got an email from this man the next time my kids went to their mom's house, berating me for not complying with his orders. Then my ex-wife tried to sue me for custody or for it to be placed
    via u/WonderfulAd8781
  • 06
    in the court ordered custody agreement that our boys could not eat those things. She lost the case on both counts. The judge told them they could not decide on what I feed my kids.
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    Cheezburger Image 10511934464
    via Yunus Tuğ (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 08
    So for the past year my ex has not taken her parenting time with our kids. Her husband is not okay with them being there if they've eaten those things at my house.
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  • 09
    He said his daughter could di and even if it's not that bad, she should not be made uncomfortable because 'a grown man child with a petty grudge would not comply with keeping a child safe out of spite for the new father in his kids' lives'.
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  • 10
    My ex blames me for her not being a mom to our kids. She told me all I needed to do was follow the list. That everyone has to. And that she's already had some family members refuse.
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  • 11
    Our boys miss their mom but not their mom's house. I have tried to plan for them to see each other but she won't lead or drive here. She doesn't want to see them if they're not in her house for her custody time. They're not welcome while they eat those foods. And I'm not depriving them of that stuff because this man orders me to.
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  • 12
    I have my boys in custody because of this madness. My ex didn't handle that too well and she told me I'm being a and alienating the kids from her. She told me to follow the rules and let the boys have both of us.
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  • 13
    I just want to see what others outside of the equation will think. I have support from others. But these are people who know me. AITA?
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    Cheezburger Image 10511934720
    via A. C. (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 15
    cassowary32 Is the daughter licking your sons? Does the dad think they sweat allergens? I don't see how there can be any cross contamination unless your kids go over with cheeks full of contraband like chipmunks. How do they handle her going to school?
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  • 16
    Please report to the courts that the mom isn't taking her time so you can get full custody and child support. NTA. Making sure they don't take allergens over is one thing, trying to control what your sons can eat when they are not there is insane.
    via u/cassowary32
  • 17
    HoldFastO2 Yeah, this is weird. Unless the boys are super messy when they eat and are covered in cheese and chocolate, just being in the same house should not be an issue. Make sure they bathe and change clothes when coming to mom's house, and the girl should be fine. This smacks like some stupid power play that backfired. Or maybe it worked as intended by keeping the boys away from stepdad and his kids.
    via u/HoldFastO2
  • 18
    FishyWishySwishy I knew someone who could go into anaphylaxis if she even smelled peanut butter. But even if the girl's allergies are that serious, I still think that could be solved by making sure the boys have a bath/have clean clothes/don't eat the offending foods the day they're supposed to go to Mom's house.
    via u/FishyWishySwishy
  • 19
    Alternative_Lead_404 Court told her to go f herself, and so she can. Sounds to me like she values this new family over her old one. Unless your boys are secretly psychos and trying to force feed their stepsister those foods it's genuinely baffling to me that they have this overreaction.
    via u/Alternative_Lead_404
  • 20
    WonderfulAd8781 OP It's not just my boys but even friends and family are expected to follow this rule and some won't go to her house because of it.
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  • 21
    mistermichaelk He is isolating her.
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  • 22
    lotus_eater123 and his daughter. He is more about the controlling than he is about safety.
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  • 23
    EddieSevenson This makes 0 sense. As long as your boys bathe, brush their teeth and put on freshly laundered clothes before they go to their mom's the food allergies aren't a problem. That is some sort of weird claim being made. That said, your ex is a piece of work- what kind of mom won't see her own kids?
    via u/EddieSevenson
  • 24
    WonderfulAd8781 OP The kind who only wants her own way. And the kind who chose a man over her kids.
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  • 25
    hospicedoc Physician here, this is just absurd. Your ex's new husband has no idea how allergies work. While I'm sure they believe in using an abundance of caution, there is no need to restrict your children's diet when they are with you. • **Allergens are not contagious:**Allergies are triggered by your own immune system's response to a specific substance (allergen), not by the allergen being passed from one person to another.
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  • 26
    • **Airborne allergens:**While some allergens, like pollen, can be airborne, food allergens like peanuts are generally not. Nothing on that list is airborne. • **Short-lived residue:**Even if small amounts of peanut butter remain on surfaces or utensils after someone eats it, they are unlikely to persist for extended periods and cause a reaction. • **Focus on direct contact:**If you have a food allergy, the primary concern is direct contact with those foods, not someone who ate them previously.
    via u/hospicedoc
  • 27
    In summary, while it's a good idea to be cautious and wash surfaces after eating, you are not likely to develop an allergic reaction from someone who ate peanut butter, eggs, cheese, strawberries, or chocolate the day before, according to Children's Hospital of Philadelphia
    via u/hospicedoc
  • 28
    This is about control, and it does make me question why, if she misses your children so much, your wife won't come to see them (my guess is her husband doesn't want her to). If I had to guess this is about her husband secretly wanting to keep her away from your children, but what do I know? NTA. P.S. If you have been taking care of the kids full-time for a year now, you might want to look into modifying your custody and child support agreement.
    via u/hospicedoc

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family drama mother food allergy family allergy food stepsister mom son kids stepfather stepdaughter dad stepdad children Father custody Reddit
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